Who IS the boss of me?

So it’s been awhile. One of the reasons I want to blog is to discipline myself to write and record what is going on in my head and heart. I find it helps me process what I am experience when I write about it. That said, I have neglected this discipline of late. I’m back!

Over the last year, especially the transition of coming to Edmonton, I have been consumed by a single repeated question in my walk with God, life, and ministry. That question is:

“How do I know that I am in total obedience to God?”

As I read the scriptures – I am more and more aware of how huge obedience is. I see it everywhere in scripture, every time I see the word “LORD” spelled with all capitals. God is LORD and master of all. He is the LORD of my life – so my primary responsibility to Him is obedience.

Now, on any given day I don’t believe that I am disobedient. I mean – I’m not burdened by any big scandalous sins at the moment. I have not said “no” to God that I am aware of. I know I sin daily, and try to repent just as often, but am I “totally obedient”? Am I ignoring a subtle voice calling me to change something, to sacrifice something? Am I unaware of God convicting me, inviting me? I believe God is often speaking (not always), but am I listening when He speaks? In the same way I can get a ticket, even if unaware of the speed limit on that road – so I am responsible for what God is calling me to, even if I am unaware of it. Being aware only makes me slightly more responsible.

I am referring mostly to God’s personal communication with me. But what of all the things revealed in scripture. Not merely rules and regulations, but principles and values. In a moment the question of obedience becomes overwhelming.

So... How do I know that I am in total obedience to God? Can I even possibly hope to know? Is it a never ending, insurmountable question of achieving perfection? I don’t think so... here’s where I’m at right now...

God says "Be holy (perfect), because I am holy." (1 Peter 1:16). But we also know that God is patient and merciful – and all about the process. So I ask myself – “Am I in the process of becoming Holy-er?” Rather than be consumed by my failure at perfection (which is the whole point of the law - Romans and Galatians), I am inspired by His voice calling me to be Holy – ONE THING AT A TIME. In other words...

“LORD, what is the one thing right now which I need to hear from you, and be obedient in?”

Now THAT question is simple, and freeing. It is just like all those stories in scripture where God asks one thing at a time. Look at the life of King Saul; “...go wipe out the Amalekites”. “But Lord – I kept stuff to sacrifice to you...” “But you didn’t do the one thing I commanded of you”. Then the famous passage “...to obey is better than sacrifice” (1 Samuel 15:22). If I can take care of the one thing God has put His omniscient finger on, then I can know that I have been obedient.

I am cultivating this need; at the end of the day – I need to lay my head on the pillow and know that I am obedient to my King. I’m not actually looking for the voice of God saying – “You are finally perfect”. Instead – I am looking for my heavenly father to say. “I am pleased with your obedience today my son.”

“... because by one sacrifice he has made perfect forever those who are being made holy.”
Hebrews 10: 14